June 2021 Communication Tip
Grief
The expectation that we can be immersed in suffering and loss daily and not be touched by it
is as unrealistic as expecting to be able to walk through water and not get wet.
Rachel Naomi Remen, MD, Kitchen Table Wisdom
This is the last of communication tip for this academic year (don’t worry… I’ll start up for another year starting in July!).
Today, I wanted to share a communication concept that I bet nearly everyone agrees with—that idea that how you are feeling inside impact how you communicate with others.
Most of us recognize that we may not communicate as clearly, as kindly, or as effectively when we
- are distracted or have something on our mind
- are tired, sad, or angry
- are feeling guilty, resentful, or burdened
Our inner experience in a communication encounter impacts our attention to our communication partner (the person speaking to us or listening to us). It is likely that we are less empathic when we are worried about our own stuff. Do you have to pee? Are you hungry? Did you just get cut off in traffic? Just have an argument with your partner? Just get your own bad news?
So, I want to encourage everyone to listen to yourself before you communicate with others.
Check-in with yourself.
In particular, today and this month, at the end of this difficult last year, you might pay attention to your own sense of grief, exhaustion, burnout, and moral distress. Nearly everyone in health care has been impact by grief... your own personal losses and those of your patients. Grief is how loss heals, so please have a look inside yourself. Consider what you have lost this last academic year. Relationships? Time? Health? Connection? Touch?
Once we notice what’s inside us, we can choose how to behave. We can choose what to do, rather than just responding unconsciously to the emotions and stories swirling within us. Notice and Choose. Notice and Choose.
And, if you are interested, please check out a paper on Healthcare Worker Grief that I wrote with a number of colleagues from UAB and Harvard.
Grief is how loss heals. And communication always is better when we ourselves are whole.
All my best,
Mike