August 2021 Communication Tip

August 2021 Communicatin Tip

De-escalation from Heated Communication

It’s summertime hot for many, so for my August Communication Tip, I wanted to share a few strategies for de-escalating a communication encounter when it is getting heated.  I’m not talking about formal conflict management or dealing with violent, agitated patients (very important issues, but not today’s topic), but rather the smaller-scale disagreements and frustrations of routine communication in the context of stressful of serious illness.

Below is a list of strategies I’ve collected from the medical and business literature about “de-escalation.”

  1. Try to empathize with the other person.  They are likely sick.  They are likely tired.  Whatever the frustrations they are experiencing, this is likely only the most recent one of many as they negotiate our health care system.  Imagine what they might be feeling
  2. Listen “generously” (listen to try to understand what is true for them)(this phrase comes from Rachel Remen)
  3. Be curious about their situation
  4. Acknowledge the feelings of the other (you don’t have to agree to be able to respect that they feel the way they do)
  5. Regulate your own emotions (notice what you are feeling in the moment so you can choose how to speak/respond).  Take a deep breath and pause.
  6. Model calm and compassionate behavior for your communication partner.

 

Much of this should sound familiar… Remember the NURSE pneumonic for responding to patient emotions and articulating empathy?

 

Example

Notes

Naming

“It sounds like you are frustrated”

In general, turn down the intensity a notch when you name the emotion

Understanding

“This helps me understand what you are thinking”

Think of this as another kind of acknowledgment but stop short of suggesting you understand everything (you don’t)

 Respecting

“I can see you have really been trying to follow our instructions”

Remember that praise also fits in here eg “I think you have done a great job with this”

 Supporting

“I will do my best to make sure you have what you need”

Making this kind of commitment is a powerful statement

 Exploring

“Could you say more about what you mean when you say that…”

Asking a focused question prevents this from seeming too obvious

 

As author Anne Lamott has said:

 “You can either practice being right or practice being kind.”

 

Stay cool and

All My Best,

Mike