Judy Long's Resilience Tip from April 15, 2020: Metta Phrases
Metta for Caregivers
(from Joan Halifax, Being with Dying teachers’ manual)
The emphasis in these practices is on balance—the balance between opening one’s heart endlessly, and accepting the limits of what one can do. The balance between compassion and equanimity. Compassion is the trembling or the quivering of the heart in response to suffering. Equanimity is a spacious stillness that can accept things as they are. The balance of compassion and equanimity allow us to care, and yet not get overwhelmed and unable to cope because of that caring.
The phrases we use reflect this balance. Choose some phrases that are personally meaningful to you. You can alter them in any way, or use one that you have created out of your unique personal significance.
To begin the practice, take as comfortable a position as possible, sitting or lying down. Take a few deep soft breaths to let your body settle. Bring your attention to your breath, and begin to silently say your chosen phrases in rhythm with the breath…you can also experiment with just having your...
Today, Dr. Paul Lindenfeld read the English translation of Hanohano Hanalei, The Glory of Hanalei, at the UCSF Symptom Management Service Meeting.
Hanohano Hanalei/The Glory of Hanalei
Hanohano Hanalei i ka ua nui, The glory of Hanalei is its heavy rain,
E pakika kahi limu o Manu'akepa. Slippery seaweed of Manu'akepa.
I laila ho'i au i 'ike iho ai There I felt
I ka hana hu'i konikoni i ka 'ili. Tingling cool sensation of the skin.
Aloha kahi one o pua rose Greetings, O sand and rose flowers
I ka ho'opē 'ia e ka hunakai. Drenched by sea spray.
'Akahi ho'i au a 'ike i ka nani. Never have I seen such splendor.
Hanohano Hanalei i ka ua nui. The glory of Hanalei is its heavy rain.
Kilakila kahi wai nā Molokama Majestic streams of Molokama
I ke kau 'ia mai ho'i e ka 'ohu. Mist-covered.
He 'ohu ho'i 'oe nō ka 'āina You...
THURSDAY, April 16, 2020 is “National Healthcare Decisions Day.” The MERI Center has been planning a number of activities for UCSF that now of course, must be postponed. However, the importance of completing Advance Directives for Healthcare has never been more critical. Here and now, in the “time of COVID-19” as we will all remember it well, the necessity of conversations about what we all would want or not want, in terms of medical interventions, is indeed at its peak. As is the importance of having our wishes in writing for the healthcare system.
Below you will find some basic information and history about Healthcare Decisions day from two of the prominent organizations who have fostered the publicity of this day since its inception.
IF you have not completed your own Advance Directive for Healthcare and would like assistance, please consider the online (or in-person, once that can happen again) “What Matters Most” workshops offered by the MERI Center.
From the Conversation Project:
https://theconversationproject.org/nhdd/
“National Healthcare Decisions Day (NHDD) exists to inspire, educate and empower the public and providers about the importance of advance care planning. NHDD is an initiative to encourage patients to express their wishes regarding healthcare and for providers and facilities to respect those wishes,...
Covia is a non-profit that builds senior living communities as well as offers services to seniors. They have two programs continuing during the pandemic:
Well Connected and Well Connected Español
Well Connected and Well Connected Español continue to offer phone- and online-based groups, programs, and activities for free to seniors throughout the United States. We are also available to work with senior communities, senior centers, and other programs to support distance programming for your constituents. To register or for more information, please contact us at 877-797-7299 or [email protected].
Social Call
Social Call, our one-on-one visiting program, is still offering phone-based visits. New participants and volunteers are welcome to join. In addition, we are seeking volunteers to send cards and letters to seniors. If you are searching for a way to help people stay connected during this time of isolation, we invite you to participate! Please contact us at 877-797-7299, [email protected], or visit our volunteer...
Judy Long, Chaplain, Weekly Resilience Tip
We will strive to bring you video resilience tips from Judy Long, Chaplain, recorded from the weekly UCSF symptom Management interdisciplinary team meetings. Here's this week's tip: Self-Compassion
Thank you Judy for sharing your wisdom with us!
On Friday, I learned that a friend of the family died of COVID-19. She (with her husband) was a pillar of the community and my mom volunteered in her business. She always gave my kids cookies when they would visit and would always buy her small staff, mostly volunteers, lunch when they worked.
While my feelings of sadness remain the same, her death feels different. She is the first person I knew personally that has died from COVID-19. Her death has brought the pandemic home, made it tangible, personal. And I know this is just the beginning… I wish that knowing this made things less terrifying, but it doesn’t.
We’re trying to do everything “right”: social/physical distancing, hand washing, keeping the kids engaged and on track, trying to encourage others to do the same. I’ve tweeted/retweeted/posted COVID articles and #stayhome ad nauseum as if somehow it would prevent or delay the inevitable. But sadly the inevitable has arrived. And I knew that it would, while hoping against all odds that it wouldn’t.
Her death won’t change my day to day, but it has hammered home a few things:
- The importance of taking all the precautions we can to flatten the curve.
- We need to do whatever we can to support & protect our healthcare workers. Their health will be a major factor in how many will people die during the pandemic – and not just from COVID-19.
- That we need to find ways to be resilient and sit with grief & loss. Need to make sure those on the frontlines are taking care of themselves mentally, emotionally, & physically.
- We need to have frank discussions with our loved ones about our wishes for care if we are unable to...
*This piece is also being published by the UCSF Department of Psychiatry.
Words are not enough, they never are, but particularly in this pandemic of loss. Still, here are a few thoughts to help us find a way through the terrible pain of grief in the time of COVID-19.
Grief is the pain of loss
Our losses are multiple, nearly overwhelming, and being experienced right now by everyone on this planet. We all know the ache of being at odds with our own lives. We all know vulnerability. We all know loss. The current pandemic is bringing us loss—and grief, the human response to loss--at scale. Many losses are of people-- our family, our lovers, our friends, our neighbors, people across the world we have never known. But our losses are of other important things too-- school, work, connection, the prom, sports, certainty, predictability, blissful ignorance, weddings, funerals, normalcy. Some losses are life delayed (for who knows how long), some are life canceled and gone forever. Each person’s grief is personal, and true, and incomparable to another’s. There is no ranking of loss, just what it means to each of us to go without, to miss, to be separated, to be disappointed, to feel alone and bereft.
Grief has to be, because we love
Grief is normal. We grieve the loss of what we care about. If you are hoping to avoid grief, then you’d have to avoid love. Noting this connection can help soften the sting of these hard feelings. In this way, grief is something of value and is worth protecting. Hence, many cultures and societies have long ritualized the mourning period. Our funerals must now be...
At today's UCSF Symptom Management Service Interdisciplinary Team meeting, Judy Long, Chaplain extraordinare, led us in a short resilience exercise. We hope to record them in the future, but alas, did not record today's session.
Judy started with a grounding exercise, asking us to breathe in and out. Then she prompted us to ask ourselves:
Why: Why am I here? Why am I doing this work? Why do I care (about my work, my family, etc.)?
What: What is going on in my body right now? Do I have a headache, stomachache? Notice in your heart anything that dominates. What emotions are on the surface?
Next, think about the person you are meeting with next. What are the stories I have about this person? What are my preconceptions? What is the narrative I have about this person. Recognize that they are preconceptions and narratives.
Now imagine what they may be going through, what they may be feeling. Are they in pain? Nauseous? Are they scared? Angry? Worried?
What narratives may they have about you? Be mindful of how all of this affects your interaction.
Bonus tip:
Think about someone you’d like to connect with and how you could connect with them. Phone, text, video.
Judy Long, Chaplin, compiled a list of online resources to cope with stressful times. This list includes minfulness & meditation apps, articles, and the like. You can download it here. We hope that you all find it helpful to cope during this time.
Much love and blessings to all.
~The MERI Center